There’s nothing particularly funny about hordes of undead beings trying to eat your brains, is there? Well, actually we beg to differ – check out this list of zombie puns and you’ll soon be falling about – with laughter, that is!
Best Zombie Puns
1 I went to a zombie rave once. It was ok, but the music was awful. The DJ was a real deadbeat.
2 Did you hear about the zombie bodybuilder who hurt his back? Apparently he’d been dead lifting.
3 You know that if you ever see a zombie you have to destroy it, right? It’s a total no-brainer.
4 Dyslexic zombies can get pretty hungry. They only eat Brians.
5 Mummy zombie asked her child why he didn’t want to go to school. He replied, “I’m feeling a bit rotten.”
6 I used to date a zombie but the relationship didn’t last. To be honest, I started to feel like he was dead inside.
7 If you ever meet a really grumpy zombie, they probably woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
8 Why didn’t the zombie want to go skydiving? He didn’t have the guts for it.
9 Zombies in pajamas are slightly different to the normal kind – the ones in nightwear are the Sleepwalking Dead.
10 Zombies don’t really like eating clowns. They all say that they taste a little funny.
11 My zombie friend was sad on the night of the dance. You see, he didn’t have anyone to go with as his ghoul-friend had just dumped him.
12 I’ve told everyone that I’m dressing up as a zombie Harry Potter character for Halloween. No one believes me, but I’m dead Sirius.
13 Not everyone knows this, but it takes a lot of work to be a zombie. You need some real dead-ication.
14 Did you know that some insects can continue to fly around even after they’re dead? They’re known as zom-bees.
15 Zombies would actually make pretty good thieves. They always have skeleton keys.
16 I had a zombie come to stay with me for a week, and he slept for the whole first day. He told me he was dead tired.
17 Zombies particularly love eating archers. Apparently they really like the bone and marrow.
18 My friend brought his new zombie girlfriend to meet me. I couldn’t stop myself from saying “Where did you dig her up from?”
19 Young zombies like their comfort objects too; in fact the most popular is the dead-y bear.
20 Did you know you can actually escape the zombie apocalypse quite easily? Just head to the living room.
21 What is black, white, and dead all over? A zombie in a tuxedo.
22 Zombies, surprisingly, actually do pretty well on their exams. If you ask them afterwards, they just say it was a no brainer.
23 If you’re ever out looking for where zombies live, just search for the most dead-end towns you can find.
24 I went to a zombie wedding recently. It was all going really well, until the guests decided to toast the bride and groom.
25 The only time a zombie stops driving their car is when they hit a dead end.
26 Why did the zombie not cross the road? He had run out of guts.
27 I went out for a night with a bunch of zombies. Honestly, we painted the town dead.
28 Have you ever met a zombie girl in a club bathroom? You won’t be able to borrow her make up; she only wears ma-scare-a.
29 I met a zombie in the street today – he was absolutely immaculate. He told me he was dressed to kill.
30 If you ever see a bunch of zombies fighting, don’t be alarmed when one of them shouts “Do you want a piece of me?”
31 Ever since the Zombie Apocalypse, sales of Head and Shoulders shampoo have skyrocketed.
32 Zombies aren’t great at learning new languages, although they do like Latin. It’s a dead language.
33 I’ve known a few funny zombies, but there was one who had no sense of humor. In fact, he was dead serious.
34 Did you know you can still get zombies in the North Pole? They give you frostbite.
35 Even vegetables can be part of the undead army. If you don’t believe me, look up the zom-bean.
36 There’s other food that can be undead too – have you head of zom-brie?
37 I went out with a bunch of zombies for drinks. They all said that their favorite cocktail was a Bloody Mary.
38 My brother was out for a walk the other day and came across a lot of zombies. Luckily they didn’t hurt him – they were looking for brains.
39 Zombies actually make great stand-up comedians. They’re either dying up there, or they’re killing it.
40 My single zombie friend burst into tears the other day. He said he just wanted to be with zombodie he loved.
41 Zombies take holidays too! Their favorite destination is the Dead Sea.
42 It’s pretty easy to overtake a jogging zombie. They’re always dead on their feet.
43 When the Zombie Apocalypse strikes, get yourself down to the local nursing home. You won’t be bitten as none of them will have teeth.
44 A lot of zombies are ambidextrous – they have to write with their left hands if their right arms drop off.
45 The zombie in my village had to be rushed to the hospital recently. Apparently he was in a grave condition.
46 Zombies never need to go to the hairdresser. This is because they have undead ends.
47 I had my zombie friends over for a dinner party. When I asked them what they would like for pudding, they all said “Eyes cream!”
48 My friend works as a zombie yoga teacher. I asked her if they were any good at it; she replied “Of corpse knot!”
49 There’s not a lot of point giving zombies a newspaper to read. They only like the head lines.
There’s nothing too funny about an army of the undead – unless it’s these zombie puns! Just make sure you’re not too distracted with laughing to defend yourself when the Zombie Apocalypse finally hits.
